Thursday, April 21, 2005

the cup of coffee....

well im back from a small break with one thing that makes my day

that cup of coffee.

the truth is i didnt do anythin today. just slept, read a novel, lazed around, watched a movie, and slept again. i needed this from the daily takes of confusion, and as it is i make somethin out of nothin. today was nice, i ended the day feelin good about a few things and learnt a lot. the novel i read was ' the secret of shambala' , another one of the james redfield, celestine prophecy types of books.

does a blog have to be about somethin?

i just realised i dont have much to report today. watched this really nice telegu movie ( i cant believe im saying this, but alas, there r some gud ones made up there...) Anand. watch it when u get the chance.

the sem has finally wriggled its way to the end. the days are out there for the count. my journey of 6 years, 10 months and 14 days over 12,000 miles makes me wanna puke..:)

i am an engineer, or say my degrees say. but i dont feel like anythin has changed. im still the same kid, who cried when get got 4/10 in his first marathi exam, an unknown language. (i remember my mom writing the answers for a homework cos i didnt understand anythin and was so red eyed after cryin my guts out. i came back though with a little help from my mom, managed a distinction in next exam) the same kid who managed to list 80 things about india at age 7 and win an award over 15 schools only never to see it ever in his life. the same kid who single-handedly won and lost the district's sole quiz competetion for his school because he chose to be fair rather than to be the victors.

i would rate those incidents in my life much higher than the ones where i got my degrees. i value myself as an individual much more than anythin else, and qualities such as being fair much higher than any other qualities in my life. i have made many friends bcos of these qualities imbibed in me by my parents ( but somewhere down the line i think i far exceeded their expectations, and the idealism in me made them worry about me much more ). I have lost many friends bcos im pretty blunt about things, and 9/10 times i would have done the same things even if i were in the firing line.

ayn rand inspires me. but i think the idealistic content in her novels only drives a person to insanity. is it ok to be insane? the answer is a personal choice.

as these 7 years comes to a close, i have grown more as a person. but there is still this free spirit left in me that makes me give up these material concerns for values that i respect. the jokes usually r on me most of the time, but as long as i manage to survive, i can laugh.

where am i on the social scene?

i have made some friends, many aquaintances, some aquaintances turned friends, some friends turned aquaintances ( everyone does that) but there r some truths i realised. it is very tuff to find like minded ppl in this world, let alone gettin to know them. somewhere u stop, because the relationship either gets too sweet and the only place to go is sour. sometimes u stop a mile from sweet. i have seen some ppl who can be on the same page as u, but they cant always be there cos its not their normal state of mind. these r the ones who seem to be like minded, but they really rnt cos they cant be like that normally, its usually takes an effort on their part.

about emotions, i dont know really. i never was emotional, and i kinda hate myself for that. its ok for a while or 20 odd yrs, but then u start thinkin whats rong with u. am i just a drone, and im ok that way?

i stare at the cup of coffee. it just smiles back.

seeya tomorrow.


Blogger Ramesh said...

i have stared at endless cups of black coffee. all they have done is make me drink more (-:
btw...i like IHOP just because they know that one cup of coffee is never enough. they give a whole jug of it.

3:39 PM  
Blogger UK said...

Dude, that happens to most of us. It is difficult to find someone whoz tuned to the frequency you respond most.

But then that makes us unique individuals.

Don't forget to the enjoy the moments when some one does tune to your frequency, though for a while and be thankful to God that atleast there are a few who can understand you and your dilemnas once in a while.

3:41 PM  
Blogger dumbs said...

Shiva I was hoping to post something like this 20 days from today.....u beat me to it

"about emotions, i dont know really"

really? u remember the cat, pale male, lola, but not emotions? hm..

10:06 AM  
Blogger Nox said...

If feeling emotional made someone feel like a drone then would like to know how would someone vent out their frustrations? Is Anger the answer? Just letting emotions build in a trying to absorb them in? I guess its human to be emotional. But not always.

2:13 PM  
Blogger Nox said...

U put forward ur thoughts really well. I have put ur URL as a link on my page. Hope u don't mind.

6:14 PM  

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