Friday, August 15, 2008

it happened one night...

...it was a dark 10:15 that night when i drove back on 101...and as the voices in my head quietened out after an intense recap of what had just happened, i couldnt help feel more alive than ever in a very long time. i could feel the rage drippin through my pores but it seemed a futile waste of anger which could have been better used in a more real environment somewhere im sure. and it wasnt just rage that i could feel, it was also a cold feeling somewhere deep of peace..of being relieved...

and it was all bcos i now know what i didnt before.

...could i sleep? did i sleep?...i really dont know, but the exhaustion left me with no options. i think those are really the best times, when you have no options. you just do one thing because thats all you can. what had happened had been brewing for a while now, and as ever, i always miss the signs. The good part though, contrast helps decisions. Something is good because something else is bad. In the end, both pass you by. A big relief.

and it was all bcos i now know what i didnt before.

...it was 930 and i was still in bed...a wreck from what had happened the night before. i wanted to talk to someone but i couldnt call anyone because i was sure noone would have anything new to say. Reassurance is probably the worst pep talk when you've been zapped, saying something in chinese would probably be better. i should have been in china. So, i mopped up and reached work...the one special place in my life that was completely insulated from the burning city on the other...and thank god for that.

i reached for the coffee machine and in came all the actors, the old, the young, the funny, the serene, it was almost like a play was enacted in front of my eyes. we spoke about things that didnt matter, on how wikipedia was more accurate than encyclopedia britanica (read the long tail: thanks to prashant), on how russia had all the right to be in georgia and then we went to work...it almost felt like someone had just removed this huge weight off my shoulders...of me meandering into the whys and the hows and whys again....

actually now it didnt even matter whether i knew anything or not...

i returned home and biked my way to the twilight sky by the bay...and suddenly couldnt help being raptured by the sight in front of my eyes...now i know we've all been near amazing sights ( some captured on film, all others just a bad attempt at blaming the camera when its pretty evident u can never capture them (ok kartik u can on a d40))...but this was just magnificent...the colors, the wind, the saline (ok marginally polluted) smell of the bay...it all just came together. for a minute, i just thought to myself...huh..and this roller coaster ride of emotions was for what exactly?...

maybe just for the contrast...to explain what matters and what doesnt.

i stayed there for a while till the moonlight hit the waters and counted 27 aircrafts make their way to the runway at sfo...soon ill be on one of them, on a totally new adventure, and this time im done being skeptical. its just full swing from now on, and maybe nothing may work, but at least its not an option anymore.

if they dont go, u leave.

and so it happened one night.

1 Comments:

Blogger Kartik said...

Reassurance is very lame but sometimes it is just the right amount of fuel needed to keep the car running. i dont know what happened that night - but all i can say is - hang in there! we are all good people..people good by heart..and goof things are bound to happen to us...

3:31 PM  

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