Monday, August 25, 2008

the long goodbye....I

the questions i had meant to ask were all out there, and this time i just wanted to get over the fear. ive been on a roll over the past few weeks, trying to escape the few things that bothered me anymore, and four weeks in a country once home seemed to be a welcome break.

and the day i get here, after enduring the infamous chinese hospitality at shanghai ( and yes, i was in china during the olympics...just like i saw shooting stars in seattle...all a matter of interpretation)...the only question i have left is...

was this home? i mean...was this ever..home?

ok, so we all go thru the motions, the past never seems good enough, no matter how good it actually was. there is nothing that lasts forever, from november rain to shoes worn in school. stuff the nostalgia industry wants u to consistently think of at all times. photographs, albums, videos in technicolor, all add to the misery.

but i had to see this additional dimension of things seeming..whats the word...in tatters?...the playgrounds i used to play seem empty and forlorn...so the question i had was..where r the kids who play now?..its not sad if i see kids play there now, its sad when its empty and broken down...

thats the part i still havent gotten used to.

the fact that all my memories of this country are exactly just that...memories, anything that i and my friends used to do, are just not done anymore.

in any case, im not getting all teary-eyed here...this is really an amazing opportunity...imagine being able to recreate new memories of the exact same place...just new paint, same walls.

and thats what i intend to do.

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