Thursday, September 23, 2010

Still night, still light

the moments seem endless. as the night finally comes to an end, i can hardly sleep. flashes of quick images pass my mind like trucks on a freeway. each with its own sound and conversation. the things that draw my attention at this forlorn hour are hardly stuff of any consequence.

there are pictures of people i once knew, but no longer could hear; of people who were once near but no longer here; there are sounds of the things people said this morning that i chose to ignore and the chatter on the pipes that i couldnt because they were directed right at me. and then there were the words i said back all day.

and then there are the videos of the people i care deeply about who sleep peacefully on this wednesday night, while there are those who struggle in silence through the pain that has captured their souls, for whom i wish they find their peace. and then there are those i wish i had never met, but now that i have, i still dont know what to do with these videos.

somewhere down the line the traffic would reduce to a trickle. because there ended the seemingly endless supply of multimedia snippets. thats when i fall back into a deep peaceful state of sleep. but that was back then. now that traffic seems to have increased. lot more pictures to weed through, new people, newer conversations, newer meanings. all to make sense of.

and then you have the news. of falling ceilings and failing quarterbacks. of political drama and business sitcoms. things that you make sense of when you've finished making sense of the stuff that really affects you. till then you just dump all these files in a big brown box labelled 'TO DO'.

maybe you'll get to this box some day. or maybe you'll just get a second box. and then a third. i still have the box from 1989 that i havent weeded out yet.

i once read that the dying moments of the night are when you stand alone, and finally get to think clearly of all that transpired during the day in perfect solitude. feels quite the opposite. mine seem more crowded than my days.
and before you know it, i can see the faint blue hours of a new day arriving at a distance. more people, more conversations, more pictures, all approaching you at the speed of time.

its time to get new boxes or outsource the processing to India; but I'm not sure that's a good idea. they must have nights there too.


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